"It’s not about helping her with the work—it’s about owning it with her, so she doesn’t feel like she’s carrying the weight of the entire family alone while you wait to be asked."

— Dr. McClannahan from her book Room in her Head

Black and white image of two people fist bumping.

More about the book…

The book is structured in three parts:

  1. Understanding the Mental Load
    The first section defines the mental load in depth, detailing how women plan, remember, delegate, and review countless tasks that keep a household running—most of which go unnoticed. It illustrates how these tasks, though often invisible, consume substantial mental energy and leave little room for personal rest or intimacy.

  2. Impact on Sexual Desire
    The second section explains how carrying this unbalanced cognitive and emotional burden directly affects a woman’s sexual desire. It discusses how societal pressures, gender norms, and power imbalances erode connection and make it difficult for women to shift from the role of caregiver to lover.

  3. Creating Egalitarian Relationships
    The final section offers practical guidance for men who want to step up as equal partners. It suggests ways to take true ownership of domestic and emotional responsibilities, moving from “helping” to “co-owning.” This transformation not only lightens the load but also fosters deeper emotional and physical intimacy.

Throughout the book, readers follow the fictional—but relatable—couple, Sandy and Mark. Their struggles serve as a lens to explore how misunderstanding the mental load leads to relational tension and sexual disconnection—and how new habits and awareness can build a more balanced, fulfilling partnership.

With interactive reflection exercises and clear examples, Room In Her Head empowers men to see the invisible, understand their partner's lived experience, and transform their relationships by becoming fully engaged, emotionally attuned partners.

Book Excerpt from Introduction

“You just don’t get it!” As a man, how often have you heard this kind of statement from your wife or partner said in exasperation when you are trying to be helpful? You want to be there and show up for her but she gets upset and you don’t understand why she is so frustrated. It seems like it is more complex than what your comprehension of the problem is, which should be simple. Where is the complexity coming from and why can’t she just explain it to you so you get it? It isn’t like you are trying to be obstinate on purpose, it seems more like she is making life harder than it needs to be and why does she do that to herself?

This book is for you and is here to let you into the complexity so you can develop an understanding of why she gets frustrated and then actually know what to do to make your relationship better for both of you. We are going to go over things that are invisible and go on so quietly in the background you may not even know all the work that is happening before a physical labor even takes place.

When she says that she is so emotionally or mentally exhausted at the end of the day to even have sex, you are going to understand now what that means. By the end, you will even know what to do to help with that invisible labor so she is not so exhausted—and maybe will still have some energy left for sex.

What am I talking about? It is the unpaid, domestic, invisible, caring, emotional, mental labor that women largely carry and men rarely notice or even are aware of its existence. This mental load can become overwhelming and exhausting because it feels like she has to carry it alone or else no one will carry it. She suffers silently, wishing with all her soul that you will come and share this burden with her—and partner together to get things done so that it is not all in her mind alone.