Article 24: The Role of Trust in Sharing the Load
Introduction At the heart of a balanced relationship is trust — not just emotional trust, but practical trust. Sharing the mental and emotional load requires believing that your partner will notice what needs to be done, take responsibility without reminders, and care about the outcome as much as you do. When that trust is missing, even well-meaning attempts to share the load can backfire. Rebuilding that trust is key to restoring connection.
What Trust Looks Like in Practice In the context of the mental load, trust means:
Believing your partner will follow through
Letting go of the need to double-check
Feeling confident that you’re not the only one carrying the weight
Knowing that if something is forgotten, it won’t always fall on you
When that trust exists, one partner can relax. When it doesn’t, they remain on high alert — always reviewing, managing, and anticipating.
How Trust Gets Broken Trust in load-sharing is often broken through patterns rather than isolated events. For example:
Promising to take care of something but forgetting multiple times
Needing to be reminded often
Doing the task halfway or without attention to detail
Getting defensive when asked to step in more consistently
These patterns reinforce the idea that one partner can’t count on the other — not out of malice, but out of habit. The result? One person takes over, and the other steps back. Trust erodes silently.
Real-Life Illustration Julie asked Greg to handle the school registration for their kids. Greg said yes, but forgot the deadline. When reminded, he rushed through the process and missed a key form. Julie ended up fixing the issue, contacting the school, and staying up late to make sure everything was in order.
Now, when it comes to school tasks, Julie just does them herself. Not because she wants control, but because it feels safer. The trust isn’t there — and she’s too tired to keep risking the fallout.
The Impact of Mistrust When trust is broken in this area, it adds a new layer of stress. The partner carrying the load starts to:
Micromanage tasks
Avoid delegating altogether
Feel resentful about needing to supervise
Internalize the belief that they’re the only competent one
This dynamic creates distance. The other partner may feel infantilized, while the default manager feels stuck.
Rebuilding Trust in the Partnership Restoring trust in sharing the load requires:
Consistency: Follow through on commitments, especially small ones
Initiative: Notice and act without waiting for direction
Accountability: Acknowledge when things go wrong and work to improve
Empathy: Understand the emotional cost of being the one who always tracks and follows up
Trust isn’t just about intention — it’s about follow-through. It’s about learning from past patterns and showing up differently.
Tips for Rebuilding Trust
Pick one recurring task and take full ownership for a month
Check in regularly: “Is this helping lighten your load?”
Keep a shared calendar or list to stay organized and visible
Treat domestic commitments with the same seriousness as work commitments
Reflection Prompt What is one area where your partner may not trust you to follow through? What would rebuilding trust there look like?
Conclusion Trust is the foundation of any healthy partnership — and that includes trust in action, not just words. When both partners can rely on each other to notice, care, and show up, the weight of the mental load becomes lighter. Rebuilding trust doesn’t require perfection — just consistency, humility, and care.